I have not been on here for awhile so I thought I should post a few updates.
Ok.. today on Facebook I get a friend request from a guy I went to Jr and Sr High School with. I accept his request. A few hours later he sends me a memo and asks why he knows me. I explained we went to school together.
A few hours later he sends me another memo and asks for a picture because he doesn't remember me. Says he knows he was fond of me but couldn't remember why???
UMMMM He started this whole thing and then doesn't know me? WHAT
As I am answering that I get an email from my ex-husband asking to use a xantax???? USE IT? DUDE.. I dont want it back and they whole reason I take them is because of you any way!
Weird day in the stars! 11 more hours left in the day... what will be next?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The beginin of my novel
I woke up in a hotel room in White Plains, New York. Now I don’t mean woke up as in “Hello morning, what’s it going to be today?” kind of a wake up. I mean my brain turned on. I sat on the bed at 4 in the morning, starred at my peacefully sleeping 75-year-old mother and the twisted and crumpled sleeping beauties, better known as my daughters. What must these people see when they look at me? These people who had known me since birth, seen me through all the many molding aspects of my life, and now where seeing me as this person I had become. What did they see inside me? I don’t think it was the woman of steel who could jump over 10 story buildings in a single bound. She left me in my 20’s. I don’t think it was the perfect wife, mother, daughter, or sister. She left me in my late 30’s. So as I sit in this bed waking up in my 40’s, who is left inside me? An angry divorced woman that makes the same mistake over and over and over by letting her needy ex-husband invade her space? Is that what they see? Do they see the extra 50 pounds that have crept into my being because food would never let you down? Do they hear the sounds of my panic attacks as I softly tread into the bathroom and get invaded by demons that never show them selves in the day? These demons that can take over your rational brain and fight to stay there no matter what you do? Can people see them outside of me or do I give off an aura that let’s people know I carry these beasts inside of me?
I am really seeing myself for the first time in 47 years. My shrink says that the art of denial was invented with me in mind. I can deny even the most obvious. So with my body fully awakened now, what am I seeing? Let’s start with the things that cannot be denied.
1. Great kids.
2. Strong support from my sister and well, at least my mother tries. Women from her generation don’t ever fully wake up.
3. Wonderful girlfriends.
4. My dog thinks I am fairly marvelous.
5. I have a good sense of humor.
Not too bad. These things are all true and I feel would be said by most people. If these truths do not hold self evident, than at least I can continue to play with the idea they are true. Those mind demons have let me keep 5 things. They really are the original commie bastards.
OK… now for a few things that this awakening has made me realize.
1. I am gullible. I believe people because I don’t want them to hurt me.
2. I am the queen of denial.
3. I have closed part of my heart and it has a deep bruise there that may never be able to fully open.
4. I love taking tranquilizers and need to know that they are what is making me function during these dark days.
5. Nothing feels better or hurts worse than love.
My ex-husband has much to do with this awakening. I had to tell him he was dead. I didn’t want him to die. I wanted to go on believing he was the man I married. The man who swept me off my feet and made places deep within me come alive; the man who gave me beautiful children. But this man who brought me these great things, also brought me more anguish than I knew existed. This man taught me how to have the demons enter and take control. The dark side entered. The demons came with it. People act like they cannot see your demons. They do not know they are in your throat and on your back and are beating the very life out of you. It would be a sight too hideous for the human eye if these demons were outted.
I have read books about people who spend their while lives running from this hell. They abuse drugs. They have affairs. They drink. Anything is fair game when the commies are there. Anything that will stop the pain and for one damned minute let your lungs fill with pure air. The air is out there. My lungs are too full to let it in.
I went to the Dr to see if she had a cure for the demons. After spending several days sedated out of my mind I realized that was not the answer. There were still bills to pay, still pain to jump over and still those beautiful babies to raise. I knew what had to be done. I dreaded it. I made the phone call. I went back to a place I knew would hurt. A place that made me face the demons. The place that called me on my bluffs. Stopped letting me go to the denial world… the place I least wanted to be. THERAPY. Why couldn’t this man just let me have a one ounce of dignity that had not been robbed from me by the commies? Why can’t I go on acting like I was fine and the world still had one axis that it spun on???? I like that place. The only problem with it was that the demons like you in “their” world.
I am really seeing myself for the first time in 47 years. My shrink says that the art of denial was invented with me in mind. I can deny even the most obvious. So with my body fully awakened now, what am I seeing? Let’s start with the things that cannot be denied.
1. Great kids.
2. Strong support from my sister and well, at least my mother tries. Women from her generation don’t ever fully wake up.
3. Wonderful girlfriends.
4. My dog thinks I am fairly marvelous.
5. I have a good sense of humor.
Not too bad. These things are all true and I feel would be said by most people. If these truths do not hold self evident, than at least I can continue to play with the idea they are true. Those mind demons have let me keep 5 things. They really are the original commie bastards.
OK… now for a few things that this awakening has made me realize.
1. I am gullible. I believe people because I don’t want them to hurt me.
2. I am the queen of denial.
3. I have closed part of my heart and it has a deep bruise there that may never be able to fully open.
4. I love taking tranquilizers and need to know that they are what is making me function during these dark days.
5. Nothing feels better or hurts worse than love.
My ex-husband has much to do with this awakening. I had to tell him he was dead. I didn’t want him to die. I wanted to go on believing he was the man I married. The man who swept me off my feet and made places deep within me come alive; the man who gave me beautiful children. But this man who brought me these great things, also brought me more anguish than I knew existed. This man taught me how to have the demons enter and take control. The dark side entered. The demons came with it. People act like they cannot see your demons. They do not know they are in your throat and on your back and are beating the very life out of you. It would be a sight too hideous for the human eye if these demons were outted.
I have read books about people who spend their while lives running from this hell. They abuse drugs. They have affairs. They drink. Anything is fair game when the commies are there. Anything that will stop the pain and for one damned minute let your lungs fill with pure air. The air is out there. My lungs are too full to let it in.
I went to the Dr to see if she had a cure for the demons. After spending several days sedated out of my mind I realized that was not the answer. There were still bills to pay, still pain to jump over and still those beautiful babies to raise. I knew what had to be done. I dreaded it. I made the phone call. I went back to a place I knew would hurt. A place that made me face the demons. The place that called me on my bluffs. Stopped letting me go to the denial world… the place I least wanted to be. THERAPY. Why couldn’t this man just let me have a one ounce of dignity that had not been robbed from me by the commies? Why can’t I go on acting like I was fine and the world still had one axis that it spun on???? I like that place. The only problem with it was that the demons like you in “their” world.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Random facts
1. I married the love of my life and he broke my heart time after time!
2. I have two of the most wonderful girls on the planet
3. I love love love Vanilla bean frappucinos from Starbucks! And they can make them low fat now! WAHOOO
4. Sound of music the best movie ever made
.5. I love the beach more than I should.
6. I have been to many places and was too grossed out to eat.
7. My sister makes me laugh till I tinkle.
8. I buy most of my clothes from Goodwill.
9. Marching band season was one of the best times in my adult life!
10. I love my dog with all my heart!
11. Without my friends, I would have no family in Indiana.
12. I have an unnatural fear of birds
.13. Arkansas makes me feel like I am home.
14. I got a .7 GPA once in college! ( go Heineken!)
15. I was jumped into a moving car to try to help a man having a crack seizure!
16. I was jumped in a burning car to try to try to save a poor little lady.
17. I was drove my car into a lake to see if it would float!
18. My daughter was the first person in Clay County to be interent stalked!
19. At one time last year, I had 3 restraint orders out on 13 year old boys!
20. Outhouses make me vomit on site!
21. I have not nor will I ever go to a high school reunion!
22. I adore champagne
23. My mom and my sister are my links to the normal world.
24. I became an aunt or QUEENIE at 47!
25. I cry about things that amaze others!
26. Butter pecan should be the only type of ice cream made!
27. New York has the best cookies, black and white BABY!
28. I usually read the end of the book first and then try to guess why
29. My stomach does very abnormal things!
30. Cell phones still scare me a little bit!
31. I secretly like to watch the Duggers, or that show about the family with 18 kids! AUGH I can't belive I wrote that!!!
2. I have two of the most wonderful girls on the planet
3. I love love love Vanilla bean frappucinos from Starbucks! And they can make them low fat now! WAHOOO
4. Sound of music the best movie ever made
.5. I love the beach more than I should.
6. I have been to many places and was too grossed out to eat.
7. My sister makes me laugh till I tinkle.
8. I buy most of my clothes from Goodwill.
9. Marching band season was one of the best times in my adult life!
10. I love my dog with all my heart!
11. Without my friends, I would have no family in Indiana.
12. I have an unnatural fear of birds
.13. Arkansas makes me feel like I am home.
14. I got a .7 GPA once in college! ( go Heineken!)
15. I was jumped into a moving car to try to help a man having a crack seizure!
16. I was jumped in a burning car to try to try to save a poor little lady.
17. I was drove my car into a lake to see if it would float!
18. My daughter was the first person in Clay County to be interent stalked!
19. At one time last year, I had 3 restraint orders out on 13 year old boys!
20. Outhouses make me vomit on site!
21. I have not nor will I ever go to a high school reunion!
22. I adore champagne
23. My mom and my sister are my links to the normal world.
24. I became an aunt or QUEENIE at 47!
25. I cry about things that amaze others!
26. Butter pecan should be the only type of ice cream made!
27. New York has the best cookies, black and white BABY!
28. I usually read the end of the book first and then try to guess why
29. My stomach does very abnormal things!
30. Cell phones still scare me a little bit!
31. I secretly like to watch the Duggers, or that show about the family with 18 kids! AUGH I can't belive I wrote that!!!
Added thought by Boo
What about : -Instructions that come on DVD instead of an old-fashioned piece of paper -
People who chew with their mouths open. -
People who say "myself" when they mean "me." -
Spitting on the sidewalk. -
The word "sip" YUK. -
The word "huh" ...Interjected before you've finished your sentence. -
When your husband "borrows" your socks and they come back to you with a hole in the toe because his gigantor feet are way too freakin' big for your little tootsies.
-The way toy companies bind their toys to the packaging. You need a chainsaw to get to them.
People who chew with their mouths open. -
People who say "myself" when they mean "me." -
Spitting on the sidewalk. -
The word "sip" YUK. -
The word "huh" ...Interjected before you've finished your sentence. -
When your husband "borrows" your socks and they come back to you with a hole in the toe because his gigantor feet are way too freakin' big for your little tootsies.
-The way toy companies bind their toys to the packaging. You need a chainsaw to get to them.
Pet Peeves
I have so many pet peeves it is just unbelievable that I can even leave my house. Now add to that the fact that I have bizarre O.C.D. traits and you set up the recipe for the perfect meltdown!
Here are a list of my five newest peeves:
1. People using the phrase" with the economy like it is!". OK folks.. the economy is bad but it was made that way by us. We over spent and out did ourselves for years. Greed comes with a price. Buckle down and live like millions of Americans have for years and you will be in much better shape.
2. People blowing their noses and then checking the Kleenex. NEED I SAY MORE!
3. Pulling up to drive thru's and not knowing what to order. Just staring at the screen like something magic is going to happen. MAKE UP YOUR MIND AND ORDER!! It's not a cure for cancer , it's a burger!!!
4. Putting things in the fridge or shelves when you know it is empty! Why not throw it away? The fairy is not going to call and do it for you.
5. This one if for Bacelica ( my friend) .. I am guilty of this so it is hard to admit. DRIVING IN THE PASSING LANE. I do it. It is wrong. I am sorry. It just feels better.
I have many more but that is it for today. If you have any and want me to think about them... let me know. They can not be any weirder than mine!
Here are a list of my five newest peeves:
1. People using the phrase" with the economy like it is!". OK folks.. the economy is bad but it was made that way by us. We over spent and out did ourselves for years. Greed comes with a price. Buckle down and live like millions of Americans have for years and you will be in much better shape.
2. People blowing their noses and then checking the Kleenex. NEED I SAY MORE!
3. Pulling up to drive thru's and not knowing what to order. Just staring at the screen like something magic is going to happen. MAKE UP YOUR MIND AND ORDER!! It's not a cure for cancer , it's a burger!!!
4. Putting things in the fridge or shelves when you know it is empty! Why not throw it away? The fairy is not going to call and do it for you.
5. This one if for Bacelica ( my friend) .. I am guilty of this so it is hard to admit. DRIVING IN THE PASSING LANE. I do it. It is wrong. I am sorry. It just feels better.
I have many more but that is it for today. If you have any and want me to think about them... let me know. They can not be any weirder than mine!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Today
1. I am sick at my stomach... I am sure I have some sort of terrible disease and am not going to live to see the girls graduate! I have no evidence nor have I sought medical treatment. I would rather spend hours planning my mecial demise!!!
2. My daughter posted her phone number on the interent. WHat could possibly go wrong? Could the boys that stalked her see it and revisit history? Love 14 year olds!
3. Bought some new threads yesterday and I must say, go the deal of the year! Love my "secret" shopping days with Helen! I run like a like a mad woman threw the store, look ta a few things... she picks and paws and shows me everything I miss. We work together well as a team!
2. My daughter posted her phone number on the interent. WHat could possibly go wrong? Could the boys that stalked her see it and revisit history? Love 14 year olds!
3. Bought some new threads yesterday and I must say, go the deal of the year! Love my "secret" shopping days with Helen! I run like a like a mad woman threw the store, look ta a few things... she picks and paws and shows me everything I miss. We work together well as a team!
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